Another excellent piece from TFP.
Some remarks:
But look a little past the short term, and this lack of courage results in a horrifying landscape of atomization. In general, every social relationship involves some friction. There is always a temptation to take the easy way out, to exit from demanding obligations to family and friends. But when you spread out a little conflict-aversion throughout a society, this avoidant behavior gets amplified into atomization.
OK, time to tackle this. Deep, meaningful, obligation-like human relationships are essential for a fulfilled life. But they do not come from just hanging out together, nor from directly wanting to have this kind of relationship, simply desiring these deep relationships no matter how courageously does not make them. They don’t even come from a feeling of obligation. They can only come from shared goals.
I mean, if you want to be close to your uncle, it is simply not enough to have this as an earnest goal, no matter how courageously. If you just think you should try to be close because you are relatives, it quickly becomes awkward: not the occasional rancor, but the constant sense of weird artificiality. If you are a good trad boy and strongly feel this kind of obligation, it still does not suffice, it can still be awkard. You must hide your feelings because if you were up front your uncle would say if the only reason you visit me is obligation then fsck off. So this does not work. What works, then? In short: you have to be working on common goals together, that gets people together.
We made friends easily when we were 17 because our interests weren’t just interests. If we were into racecar driving, we probably dreamed about becoming a driver ourselves or working in the sport as a mechanic or something. So we had goals, not just interests. This brought us together with other guys who were into it too. The goal may not have been consciously formed, it was maybe not a clear plan, but there was a goal-like animating spirit that was stronger than just interest, the feeling that in the longer run this thing may not just be a hobby but perhaps we will do more at it… But at 37 such things are usually just hobbies, our families and careers matter more, so we don’t make friendships so easily because we have hardly other goals than to progress in our careers, raise our kids well and have fun in the minimal free time we have left.
One of the great discoveries of NRx is that large parts of human psychology are reducible to to group dynamics and status-seeking.
Families and kinship satisfy both motives in a uniquely well suited way. The basic idea is to compete for status together, to help each other in the individidual pursuit of status and also to gain common status as a family: to bring honor to the family name. (This is an upper-class way of putting it, perhaps, a lower-class person would have said “going up in the world”.) And of course every family competed with every other family in this because unlike wealth, status is zero-sum, which satisfied the group-dynamics urge. Families even often had more or less officially rival families (fictional version: Barnes-Ewing feud in the Dallas TV series).
This shared goal of competing for status, or bringing honor to the family name, was what animated families and kept them together. In the long past this was explicit, then in the past few generations rather implicit and subconscious, as in the last few generations “bringing honor the family name”, and “going up in the world”, and especially “rival families” sounded more and more ridiculous – but people still had ambitions towards social status and still found their family members the most obvious allies in this.
Then… it… fizzled… out.
I am not 100% sure why and how. We can make guesses. Perhaps redistributory governments reduced both the gains of winning and the losses of losing, and it is surely part of the story, but not all – in such a society, a government job would be the highest status, so people should theoretically compete for that. But we don’t see it family members vigorous cooperating so that someone of the family should become an Equal Opportunity Officer and the all can bask in the honor and glory of it. Because there is no actual honor and glory in it. People do see through the fake. Or perhaps it is diversity – without a uniform opinion, it is hard to have uniform high esteem. But again not fully so – the same decadence happens even in ethnically uniform places (say, Prague) and besides ethnic sameness is no guarantee for uniformity of opinion as the ghosts of St. Bartholomew’s Day can testify.
So it is really hard to guess why and how it happened. There is just a slow, slightly chilly wind of lethargic “why even bother?” blowing through the West. But why is this lethargy? Why exactly can individuals and families no longer gain meaningful status, so that competing for this status with the other families would again unify families? Whence this lethargy?
Part of my best guess would be that Progressives achieved half a success. They managed to turn public opinion away from old forms of status but were unable to introduce new forms of their own. So on one hand they managed to sound it really ridiculous to say I will help my brothers to become the most privileged white males in our country, but on the other hand, nobody thinks Equal Opportunity Officers deserve glory and honor. (BTW this is a real job title in the UK.)
Part of the story is the lack of what the RP types call “inner game”, I would rather call it “internalized status”. Status has multiple aspects:
- Objective status: your actual position
- Interpersonal status: do people actually defer to you or not
- Subjective or internalized status: basically confident behavior, which also means feeling inwardly confident and expressing it outward
So, for example, a young lieutenant, assigned to lead a platoon (objective status) must really learn to fill out his boots (subjective or internalized status) or else soldiers will not defer to him (interpersonal status) and basically his sarge will run the show.
So any decent society has to have the kind of status system that elevates people who aren’t terribly deficient in testosterone. Not meaning we have to have Conans run newspapers (although, it is interesting that Arnold was succesful in everything), but we have to elevate people who can fill out those boots.
I think perhaps this is what got screwed, every aspect of high-T behavior got systematically vilified, to the extent that today e.g. if you start a business and make it big, you cannot really radiate that kind of old-time boss image, standing up like a Teddy Roosevelt and be like “yes, I made this, yes, I own this, yes, I run this show”. Today you would be ridiculed for this i.e. for actual normal high-status behavior, because this is how normally men who really internalize their high status usually behave. Instead you basically have to busy deny you have status and if you run a succesful company and say stuff like “we are a creative community of hard-working individuals” and so on, reducing your own role and pretending it is democratic. Look at how virtually all high status men are now self-deprecating and keep praising their team! Smart thing for motivation, sure, but they are overdoing it, they are making their own role seem minuscule.
And indeed, why bother? If you cannot own your success, your power, your privilege (let’s not fear this word: status-seeking is all about achieving privilege: if I could become an aristocrat in the old sense, I of course would), why even bother achieving it? Why get status if you are not allowed to internalize it and behave like a high-status man?
And we lost not only the internalized or subjective status but also the interpersonal kind. Today we need to learn complicated body language cues to figure out if others defer to us. It has been a whole lot easier in the past. People addressed each other different “up” and “down”. This was even more outspoken in non-Anglo soceties, where Japanese has complex grammar for talking “up” and “down”, where languages with a T-V distinction had the case when higher status people used the T form and lower status people the V form, I figure Anglos had to contend with Sir/Madam vs. first-name terms. Similarly, while clothing is today largely something you wear depending on the occasion, suit to the office, jeans to the mall, back then it was something that depended on your status: gentlemen were always elegant. So all these things served to express interpersonal differences of status: making status gains all the sweeter and hopes and aspirations for higher status all the more fervent.
Let’s try to tie it all together. We have plenty of scientific evidence now that when people gain status, they get more T. You could even call it a reward system. Our culture systematically suppresses the expression of high-T behavior. You can gain status but not behave as if, not even really feel as if you gained status. People don’t much of the older kinds of dominant-submissive courtesies, and other status markers like class-dependent clothing were also outdated.
So indeed, why bother? If you would never allowed to feel not hungry, would you eat? Would you bother having sex if orgasms were denied to you? Awkward parallels, but illustrate the point. All the fun was taken out from high status and all the reasons to aspire for it.
And without these status aspirations, we suddenly lack goals. Hence the kind of depression we can see in Houellebecq’s work.
And I think this is why we cannot find a common goal with our family members: in the past the common goal was to acquire status and bring honor to the family name, while competing with other families. This tied families together.
Let me add something more, perhaps an even deeper insight. Status-seeking shouldn’t be seen as a specific desire but as a meta-desire that underlies most other desires and gives them strength and focus. So when your little nephew wants to be a violinist it doesn’t simply mean he likes the sound of the violin or has talent for it, although it means both, too. But it also means he desires the status, respect, prestige, estimation that a Paganini used to have. This is a driving, animating force between most human desires. Without this, without a status drive to give an extra boost, most drives and desires lose their power. Then they just become an idle hobby. And depression, anhedonia lies that way.
Counter-check: today, men who are still driven and have bold goals and not threatened by anhedonia and demotivation tend to work in subcultures that managed to retain some kind of a status system, that gives them this kind of boost in the ass. Computer hackers and Silicon Valley are a good example. Eric S. Raymond is some sort of a “tribal elder” in hackerdom, and in order to preserve that kind of status he elected to work on projects that hackers respect, not projects that offer lucrative payoffs, even to the extent of courting financial difficulties. Want a smart man work his ass off for free AND be perfectly happy and motivated doing so? Give him the respect of a tribal elder. This is really how a strong motivator it is.
Every time we like doing something really much, more than half of it is liking the potential status doing it really well could bring.
It is the Bruce Lee movies that sent us kids to the martial arts dojos in the eighties, because the Little Dragon was such a cult figure, but of course he was precisely so because we normal mortals had no chance of becoming like him. It was not the local competitions, where we actually had a chance to win, but precisely for this reason they were not so exciting. It is all about wanting to become members of clubs that would reject us. Marx was right. Not that one, I mean, but Groucho Marx. What is the point of becoming a member of a club that would take you? If they would take you, they don’t have a higher status than you so it means no elevation for you. And if they do have higher status they will not take you, because you reduce their average status. He understood this just perfectly.
Want more proof? People like to play videogames, and there are different kinds for different tastes. But it was already discovered in the arcades of the 1980’s that it all works better if we there are high score tables and we can brag about our initials being top for a week in the local arcade. Today, it is Steam achievements or Xbox trophies… same story, it is all about bragging rights i.e. status. Videogames are enjoyable without status gains, and clearly very few people have status gains as the main reason to play videogames, they are simply a fun activity, but status gains make them sweeter.
Once we see the status motive in everything, we can see how family cooperation used to be important. Sure, Joe wanted to be a businessman and Jack a music conductor, but ultimately both meant becoming (or staying) a respected gentleman with the tall top hat. This was mostly taken for granted: they both are ambitious men, just with different ambitions. Ambition literally meant status-seeking. If you look at a quote page about ambition you can see that it did not just mean any difficult goal (like today) but a goal to gain status, a goal to climb high on that ladder against the sky. To succeed meant not to achieve any random performance marker you choose but to actually gain the respect of your peers by doing your thing. It was less subjective, less of this “Achieve your goals!” and more intersubjective, like achieving the admiration of our peers.
So as long as you were ambitious about anything, which meant not simply liking to do a thing but also to achieve status via that thing, you had a goal, or at least a meta-goal in common with your family members. This was what kept people together.
A quick rule of thumb to tell, even some extent to quantify to what extent a society stayed sane so far: high-status men should wear distinctive clothing. Like suits a few generations ago in the West, when they were about showing your class, not just a uniform for office workers. There must be a form of clothing in a healthy society that advertises that a man is higher status than the average, of the privileged class or of the high achievers. Because this shows the extent to what a society is non-egalitarian: it shows the extent that status aspirations are still possible because you are allowed to express and enjoy it.
From this angle, let’s look at a few examples. Somewhat surprisingly, America looks worst – their love for baggy jeans is legendary, comparable only with the Brit love for tracksuits. (It is surprisingly only because the higher levels of wealth inequality they have: why do people aspire to be rich if they don’t express their richness is unambiguous ways?) France or Italy fares slightly better, at least their TV celebrities won’t be caught dead by the paparazzi shopping in a mall in tracksuits and baseball hats, but a succesful lawyer or surgeon still will be… Eastern Europe is kind of weird, clearly suits are more respected by the average people than in the West, they give you vary looks, and the guidos in the richer discotheques dress downright kitchy, but it is hard to tell, because high-status people are rare there, there is not enough wealth in general to go around and the slightly less struggling are not going to differentiate themselves much from the far more struggling. In Arab soceties, for example, Iraq, I have read conflicting opinions, some say the bisht is just like a suit today, wear it for occasions then put it away, and some say it is like a suit a few gens ago, a class marker.
Can someone name a society where men of the top wear distinctive clothing and wearing it is still clearly respected, even a tad bit feared, wearing it for lower-status men is forbidden or laughed out, and they are not outcompeted by the “in” guys who wear fashionable Western stuff?
Not sure I can see any remedies for it. The point is, the Progs managed to destroy any other status than their own, but they kind of failed in creating high status for themselves. I know not everybody would agree with it, but try going to some working class pub and ask the patrons about Noam Chomsky, 90% will be “no idea” and the rest will oscillate between “some prof” and “fucking commie”. Do you think they talked that way about Rockefeller? I think there was genuine respect, mixed with some fear perhaps. They don’t even respect each other. When Bismarck said of Disraeli “The old Jew, that is the man!”, that bore immense respect. Today the proggiest Progs get attacked for being white males, and feminist women get attacked for not being trans inclusive so basically we see a weird inversion now, we see the futile attempts to gain a bit of personal status by attacking other people’s status, even each others, but this doesn’t really work. Of course it does lead to equality of status, but in the sense of everybody equally resented. The old model was different: by tolerating a high inequality of status, it was possible to extended some amount of respect for a large number of people.
Incidentally, I remember a debate with liberals about 10 years ago. I talked about my medievalist fantasies and they told me – you wanted to be a lord, if you lived back there, not a servant, nobody wants to be a servant, right? And I told them I would totally be OK with being a medieval servant because if I am the best servant, and that is I could achieve with hard work and being smart, and in the baron’s grace, that would actually give me more status and power than what even a CEO can have today. Why have a problem with someone being above you if you can potentially have a lot of people deep under you? But apparently it seems they are mostly motivated by not wanting to have anyone over them, while I would be more motivated by having enough under me. To put it a bit cynically, the goal wouldn’t be to not kiss any ass, but only to have a good net sum of giving and getting it.
Anyhow this reminds of one SSC commenter who proposed a really plausible theory of depression. Dogs can get depressed, it is not a human thing. And one hypothesis says its evolutionary function is make the low-status lay low so that they won’t get killed for being too uppity. Clearly, depressed humans and dogs look really submissive. But how does a brain as simple as a dogs detect his status position? And he – I think Chaosmage was it – proposed that plain simply by detecting if there is anyone under you or not. If anyone defers to you, your status is not the lowest of the pack, so no point in laying low. And that is how having a pet or doing mentoring cures depression. Anyway, if it is true, then one can say men like me focus on not getting depressed: we are not troubled by having others above us, we just also want people under us. While it seems liberal types are motivated by a certain form of pride: really disliking having anyone put above them.
This can give us a certain hope that this Prog system could collapse, after all, seeing how futile it is for the goals of most people. If you cannot be Big Man by spouting Prog slogans, why bother? But until that, there is hardly any solid status-seeking possible, which means shared goals and alliances are hard, which means meaningful human relationships are hard.